Change is something we cannot completely control, and a part of life that is inevitable. While it sometimes uncomfortable or even a little scary, often it can bring about positive growth opportunities. It is an important part of “learning” and life. Part of the work in transitions, is helping people to navigate and understand change, and do it in such a way that is comfortable, positive and forward moving. There are a few ways to take an event or lifecycle experience, and create an atmosphere that is easier, helpful and “smoother” in the process of transition from one idea or thing or place to the next. Some of the strategies that can be used in any time of change follow:
*Find routine. Any sort of predictability in times of unknown or questioning can provide comfort. It is helpful to stick to familiar and routine oriented activities whenever possible. For example, if the family has always had a certain meal or outing together weekly (say Sunday nights) this can continue even in a new house or community.
*Determine the things that are within and those that are outside of one’s control. Try to focus on those things to which you have some influence. It can become hopeless and frustrating to focus on things that cannot change, which will only add to overall angst and fear. For example, if you need to move for work to a new community, rather than focusing on that, begin to focus on the choices you are in control of in the new community (i.e. the house you will live in, the activities you will participate in, or the school your kids will attend).
*Find the positives: Taking a situation that feels scary or unknown, and that is somewhat uncomfortable will inevitable cause a person to grow. We often tend to focus on those things that we are worried about or unfamiliar with. Try instead to take any positives or “silver linings” from the changes, however small they may be (i.e. I will never have to wait at “such and such” red light again or now I live closer to Tim Horton’s).
*Honor the uncomfortable feelings you are having and try to identify what is behind them. It is often helpful to “name” the things you are worried about or fearful of in times of change. For example “I am afraid I won’t be able to make any friends.” This will help with the next step. Once you can name the fear or negative emotion it is easier to communicate with others and work towards solutions.
*Work at finding solutions or ways to cope with the feelings and unknowns. If you know you are afraid of making new friends or not being able to find a new job etc. it is important to begin to problem solve through various things to try or ways to handle these possibilities (i.e. if I can’t find a job, I will ______ or _______ or _____. If I have trouble making friends at my new school, I can try to _____ or _____ or _____). Having these tools or possible solutions will lessen fear.
* Learn as much as you can about the situation. Knowledge is power, and thus if you are presented with something that is out of your control, or makes you feel powerless or worried, it is important to learn as much as you can about it, the possible outcomes, the potential positives and negatives and how this change will affect you. This will help to be better prepared for it when it comes. For example, try to learn about the new school or community, or what to expect as you move away from home. The more you understand and are ready for the change, the better able to “handle” it you can be.
*Remember times you have experienced “change” (even in small forms) in the past, and were able to come through it, even if you had to adjust some things. Remembering these times will help you to build confidence that you have experienced things like this before and done well.
*Keep in mind all things pass: Once the major change occurs, and you begin to adapt and learn the things you need to in order to enjoy the differences, you will again be more comfortable in your situation. Keep in mind that you will have accomplished one more thing, and while the process if often difficult or scary, it will come to that point of understanding and acceptance eventually and in your own time.
*Surround yourself with help and supports. Try not to do everything yourself, and in fact take it easy on your mind and body as they are trying to adjust and figure things out also. It can be exhausting to process and understand change never mind all of the things you actually have to do (i.e. find a new job, move, rearrange schedules etc). Be sure you have emotional support. Change can be difficult and scary, and it can be helpful to have someone walk through the process with you, and help you to understand various pieces of it…..that’s what friends are for!